You Lied Glizzie, There’s Only Room For You Beneath That Umbrella, and Now It’s Pouring
z1044Wasted Days and Wasted Nights - Freddy Fender
Fuck a big umbrella. Wouldn’t ever buy that stupid shit. Doesn’t even fit nice in the whip
I’ve Got Some Happiness - Leland
I do, yes, but I want all. Charging…
Stuck In A Spin - Militarie Gun
“It seems it does, but then it don’t.”
If you’ve never had this sentiment, you’ve never spun
Double Dare - Momma
Take the dare, specially the Double Dare. There are only so many chances in life. If I had one more, I’d Go Crazy, I’d Go Stupid
This Magic Moment - Jay & The Americans
Even though we’ve shared our magic moment together, moments are unfortunately fleeting. You’d tell me that. And then you’d say magic isn’t real, science is. Hey realist, you are lame
Hiders - Burial
On my Chamber of Secrets shit (screaming out F*ck Gilderoy Lockhart)
All The Way Dumb - Angel Du$t
I fuck with this song the long way. Give it a shot, dummy
Crawling Back - Spoon Dogs
She ain’t leave you on read, you left her speechless. Hit that DM again big dawg.
Who’s gonna crawl back next?
Made Bed - Dog Date
I’m like a 50-50 bed maker. I make it when I set out to have a productive day, and when I don’t make it… well, there’s really no reason behind me deciding not to make it. I just don’t even think about it those days. But right now my bed is in horrible condition. I have a ceiling leak directly above my bed. Whenever it starts to rain, the leak gets worse and ends up soaking my sheets or my blanket. Whatever’s directly beneath it. I can move my bed out of the way, but I’d have to rearrange my entire bedroom. So, I kinda just live with it. Lately I either ball up a few towels and lay them on the bed just in case, or I put a bowl on top of the critical-hit spot when the leak gets really bad. I texted my landlord about it last week since it’s basically hurricane season, and she replied, “Sounds like an after-Fourth-of-July problem to me.” Whatever. Could be worse. Last Spring I fell asleep drinking a practically-full bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper and woke up completely covered in it, literally laying in the Diet Dr. P. When I checked the time, it was way too early to deal with it, so I uhh… went back to sleep. Same spot. Same clothes. That was my bed’s rock bottom. Or was it one of mine?
Unlisted Track - Jawbreaker
One thing’s for sure: How could we be normal, if we were never normal to begin with? Shoutout Boss Hogg Radio
The Same - Alex G
Story time.
Back in high school, we’d get some gnarly storms. It was like a 75% chance that the bad weather would come right as our day was ending, too. At that point in the afternoon, we’d be antsy as hell, ready to go home. When our principal/dean/whoever tf it was that tapped in over the intercom on the ceiling for before-you-go-home announcements, it was total ecstasy.
(An Aside: Someone would start yapping on that intercom every single morning/afternoon for announcements and even randomly during the day when some legend from your class was getting called down to the principal’s office cause his/her parent was bringing them home early. Yet, I still forget what fucking noise the intercom made before an announcement started. Like, I know the “bell” that signaled a current class was over/time for the next one. That shit was a military siren that made you feel like it was that time to go clap up on an opp for the USA. But, the pre-announcement sound? I completely forget it. Trying to be as vivid as possible here, I apologize. But, anyways.)
During a storm, instead of dismissing us for the afternoon, the voice on the intercom would be like, “Salutations comrades, stay put in the classroom. As you can see out the windows, the weather is a little brazy right now. If you try to go home, you will die.” If the weather really/truly was brazy, we knew that announcement was coming. And, this was in Florida, right? Floridians know damn well that once the afternoon storm begins, it ain’t stopping anytime soon. Shit is not to cease; shit is to exacerbate. So why the hell did motherfuckers keep us in the classroom? Cause motherfuckers were giving us time to prep. Time to get war-ready, *laughing face emoji*. We had like 15-minutes max to figure out what the hell we were going to use as protection in our escape routes to our vehicles. Before the announcement even started, homies were already putting on Hefty trash bags as rain coats, deciding which irrelevant textbook they’d be using to keep their heads dry. That shit was always too funny. Never a real rain jacket, never an umbrella.
(Aside 2: The reason for that was ridiculous. It was taboo for us to carry anything throughout our school day minus the Jansports on our backs. And god forbid we kept anything inside them. I mean seriously, you were straight if it was just a notebook in the bag, but if you were strapped like backpack boy [https://ned.fandom.com/wiki/Backpack_Boy] you were basically fucked. So, that meant no rain gear, period.)
I get lowkey hyped remembering my rain-day strategy just typing it out right now. I had the god strat. I used to wear these all-black Vans Authentics to school with plain white crew socks. My play on our uniform. Could’ve been any black shoes with white crew socks on the feet. Black socks if you were a senior, but I wouldn’t be caught dead in black socks. I was doing it my way. Socks had to be crew socks too for some weird reason, probably cause faculty highkey knew what was good in the fashion game. No-show socks are a never-wear. Even if we can’t see them, we know they’re there. They’ve got an energy to them. An aura. Hold those. Unless of course you’re in the hospital. Wear them, only then. This could’ve been Aside 3. Fuck it. First, I’d take off my Vans. Then, my socks. Put them both in my Jansport. Voila. I was ready to “do the dash and then go out my way” as young Tay-K would later rap in his cover of Alex G’s anthem the Race, the title track to his 2010 album featuring this song, The Same.
Finally, we’d be dismissed. “Ok students, you are free to lea-” … the intercom man always cut out on those afternoons. Some wild animal in the principal’s office had already began his/her stampede, trampling over the intercom man, knocking him out, leaving him to be lost in the storm. It was no different for the students. I remember when our safe zone-classroom door opened, it was like the start of a battle royale, before battle royales. It was like we were boutta hop out the Battle Bus. Kids sprinting through campus in their ridiculous Fortnite-esque skins like it was a fucking Call of Duty map: kicking over trashcans, tearing down flyers on the walls, looting/stealing, fighting puny freshmen + screwing up their rotations/shoving them in the toilets, starting unnecessary fires in the bathrooms on their way out.
Shit was cinema. I’ll never forget it.
Sprinting as fast as I physically could (and the rain made me faster) for usually around a quarter-mile to my car sandwiched inside a giant flash mob of kids the whole way. My feet would become completely submerged in the collected rainwater on certain parts of my path. White shirt: soaked. Nipples: out. Adrenaline: pumping. Apparently they recently added more parking for students, but in my day, the parking lot was small as shit. You’d hop in your whip (drenching the seat, the door, everything), crank the heat as high as it could go, and you’d immediately throw that shit in reverse. It was all part of the excitement. At least, that’s how I did it. My car doesn’t have any rear-windshield-wipers, so it didn’t matter how gingerly I pulled out of my parking spot. I was blind either way. I just fingers-crossed it and prayed I wasn’t gonna mow down one of the classmates. That would’ve been awkward.
I was lucky enough to recreate this vibe in college when I was a freshman, too. I remember one specific Summer afternoon.
My furthest class was a ~15-20-minute uphill walk from my dorm. I get out of class, and it’s the torrential downpour. Automatically, I took off my shoes/socks and stuffed them inside my backpack. “That time of the year again.” I fucking booked it. Not even trolling, I probably made it to my dorm in less than 5 minutes. And that was like last-course-in-the-circuit-type difficulty level. Downhill, violent rainwater-rapids flowing on the streets. I would’ve been better off in a kayak. But I was flying. And it was a rush, just like old times.
Moral of the story:
Yes, I think the big umbrella thing is totally true. Even if you’ve got one big enough for you and another person, you’re usually still getting a little wet on the side. And you know they are too, so when you’re the one holding said big umbrella, you’re spending most of your time and energy trying your absolute hardest to keep them a tiny-little-bit drier than yourself. And that’s love in a nutshell.
Do I have a big umbrella? No. You Lied Glizzie, There’s Only Room For You Beneath That Umbrella, and Now It’s Pouring. Do I even have a personal-sized umbrella for myself? Also no. I lied about that, too. I’m not even ready for the small one. All I know is, I like doing The Same thing. Maybe I don’t wanna switch up.
I like the race… And it’s probably cause I’m still winning
⛺️
