King of the Breach

9/25/2021

1. Instructions for Judgement Visions - Magick Brother & Mystic Sister
   Me long-clicking Instructions For Judgement Visions and dragging it directly to the tippity-top of this week’s WZRD broadcast.

2. Air - Sans Soucis
   As you will no doubt notice when you quickly lose feeling in your fingertips, this track is sub-zero chilly. Has me reaching for the ultralight down jacket with the lined pockets. Has me overeagerly slurping on my cocoa and burning my tongue. And this instrumental. An atmosphere I can only liken to Sherbet Land Final Lap. The echoed, icicled reverberations of a single voice in a cavernous glacier.

3. Web of Worry - Needlepoint
   Needlepoint would be the favorite band of the coolest guy at your local Midsommar Ättestupa ceremony. I say that admiringly. Ultimately, my whole thing as a person is to be the coolest guy at the great big Ättestupa ceremony that is our lives; we mortals, gathered at the foot of the cliff, one guy with a big mallet, smiling. That guy is never the coolest guy at the Ättestupa. The coolest guy is usually the guy who goes plummeting to a messy death in the name of sustaining the community. Maybe I don’t actually want to be that guy. But that guy’s favorite band is Needlepoint.

4. បងពិតជាកំលោះ - Sinn Sisamouth
   Sinn is better than Elvis. He’s better than Sinatra and Dean Martin, better than the Everly Brothers, better than pretty much all those goofies. Dude was so universally popular that he became the target of coordinated political persecution by paranoid revolutionaries, had his music systematically eradicated and was probably disappeared by the Khmer Rouge, and still came out the other side as the undisputed nonpareil of Cambodian pop music. Sinatra gave $4milly to Reagan in the 1980 election. Ewwwww…

5. Weather Report - Bad Tuner
   Talking about the weather gets an egregiously bad wrap. It’s actually the single most interesting thing you could be talking about at any given time. I love imagining what the weather might be like two days from now. This time next week. When will things finally cool down for good this fall? Another Flash Flood Warning?! Did you see we’re getting highs in the 60s in a few days? I wonder if we’ll get another Christmas-week blizzard this year. Sheesh, it’s really kicking up out there. I’m trying to decide if it’s worth it to bring an umbrella. How do I even dress for this temperature? Oh wow look you can actually see where it’s raining over there. See? So crazy it stops underneath that black cloud in like a perfectly straight line. Did you feel that? I think it was just a building drip.

6. Am I Ready - Fauness
   Fauness brought out the cherubim oldies band to do the slow dance song at the great big rose gold senior prom in the sky.

7. Sad Girlz Luv Money Remix - Amaarae, Kali Uchis, Moliy
   This shit is creeping me out. Someone is digging around my trash bags, harvesting the earwax off my used Q-tips, feeding said wax into the machine that detects a person’s innermost desires by analyzing the brain bits that get caught up in a person’s earwax, and sending that wax data to Amaarae’s strategic planning committee. It’s the only way I can think of that this collab can exist. If the Sad Girl goes out and secures a feature from Jeffrey “Sex” Slimer, I’m gonna have to go ahead and start saving my wax, shaping it into tealight candles, and burning it in the safety of my own home.

8. Ain’t Nobody’s Business - Otis Spann
   When this song comes on the jukebox, and the only people left in the bar are you, your dad, all of your uncles from both sides of your family, and the regular old timers who’ve haunted this shabby boozer for years. And the conversation kind of organically ebbs so that everyone can listen to the song, and everyone’s heads start nodding like, “that’s right.” And a few of your uncles kind of tip their trilbys just over their eyes while they lean back in their chairs and swig their whisky neats. And you all kind of look at each other with knowing smiles like, “Yeah man, these are the blues. Life’s full of them. But here we are, together. Let’s drink to that.” Are there a few tears? Maybe. But they’re all falling from smiling eyes. And anyway, that Ain’t Nobody’s Business.

9. Amarillo By Morning - George Strait
   The best country music songs by dudes are almost always essentially a list of terrible shit that’s happened to them, a suggestion that they will likely soon be arrested for a crime they absolutely did commit, and an expressed intention to get the fuck outta dodge and relocate to a new situation that will probably be just as shitty and doomed as the one they’re fleeing.

10. Say Yes - TOKiMONSTA, VanJess
    Say Yes by TOKiMONSTA and VanJess keeps like, “coincidentally” showing up in the TentCorp breakroom when I’m in there, getting weirdly close to me, and saying stuff like:
    
    “All you gotta do is say yes
    Don't deny what you feel, let me undress you baby
    Open up your mind, just rest
    I'm about to let you know”
    
    And when I try to kind of deflect and laugh it off, it just looks at me sort of hungrily and licks its lips. I’ve reached out to Sleepy and Glizz in HR, but the only response I ever got, it wasn’t even a response. I think Glizz accidentally replied all or something because he CCed the entire TentCorp leadership on an email to Sleepy that said:
    
    “This shit is actually so funny because I’ve been telling Say Yes by TOKiMONSTA and VanJess that WZRD is suuuuper kinked out and horny,”
    
    Which is actually pretty messed up because Glizz is the one who’s in charge of our sexual harassment training this year and he promised me he would never tell a soul about all of my nasty EDM kinks.

⛺